Let me tell you a story of a girl from a tiny village in Nepal. Sabitra Bhandari, born on May 02, 1996 in a middle class family to a conventional couple. Her father had a day job and her mother was taking care of the house. With 5 other children, Sabitra’s parents had expectations that their children are going to have the traditional lifestyle. Get married, start a family and take care of it. Whereas, Sabitra had something else in her mind. 

Sabitra was on her way to break some norms in Nepal. Football was only for boys back when she was growing up. She had seen her brothers play football and now she wanted to take part in it herself. Of course, it was not easy. She did not have any other girl-friends with whom she could practice football and she was not allowed to play with boys. So, Sabitra decided to take the charge in her own hands. She wen on to gather socks, so she could make a small ball out of them and play with it.

In an interview, she says “I had to hide the sock ball that I made, so my parents would not throw it away.” From not being allowed to play in a team to playing barefoot in a boys team to being the first Nepali player (both male or female) to play in the highest league in France, Sabitra Bhandari aka Samba defied the odds that were stacked against her.

Since the very birth, expectations are hanging by you like a tail is hanging to a monkey’s hip and they follow you everywhere you go and keep increasing with time. Your parents expect you to live a life that they deem to see as happy and respectful, your friends want you to be a certain way so that they can stay friends with you and your country wants you to be a certain way so you can fulfill your duties for the country. Finally, you have your own expectations of what you want to be and achieve in your life. 

Which expectations to fulfill first? That is indeed quite a conundrum. 

First you have to discriminate between these expectations. Which of them are reasonable and which ones are absurd. Your parents expect you to take care of them when they grow old, that is reasonable and as a son/daughter that is also your duty. But when the we expect our children to eat what we want them to eat, study in the university we want them to study or marry someone whom we (not they) see as a eligible partner, here these expectations completely irrational. What about, when we accuse our friends for changing, when they are trying to move on and do better in life? Is that fair expectation to have? The answer is, “N to the O. No.”

All of these can be and are overwhelming when you are trying to make something out of yourself. You have to gather courage to discriminate between these expectations and decline the ones that do not align with your values. Values therefore act as an important tool when we are making decisions about which expectations to chase. Make a list of your values and act in such a way that your values stay strong and intact.

Expectations are also associated with dissatisfaction and unhappiness. I think it is safe to say that the magnitude of expectation is directly proportional to the magnitude of dissatisfaction. The higher your expectations are, the lower will be your excitement for the forthcoming results. Arthur Schopenhauer, a German philosopher put it beautifully when he said, “The safest way of not being very miserable is not to expect to be very happy.”        

With that I leave you to contemplate and dig deeper into expectations from your perspective. I would also like to hear if you have anything else to add.