In a netflix documentary: Stutz, Jonah Hill interviews his therapist Phil Stutz where they talk about the style of therapy Phil prescribes through his work. Phil talks about a system that is inside of us. He calls that system as ‘Part X’. He says Part X is the “BAD” guy within us. It wants us to suffer and mess up things. It is also responsible of making us feel miserable. It puts dark, thick clouds of worries and negative thoughts over us, making us feel all sad and lonely. It creates a story where we are suffering and every bad things has happened to us. The middle piece of the story narrated by Part X is “Self-victimization”.

I am responsible

Since, Part X is a part of us or me. In a way, I am also responsible for all that happens. To have empathy to yourself is a great thing, it helps you go through tough times, also helps you to love yourself. But, self-victimization makes us feel inferior and small. It takes away the control we have in our life and we do not want that. We or at least I want full control of what I am doing and how I am feeling.

To give an example, I recently got done with my master thesis. The time during the whole thesis was stressful for me. I was going through struggles in my private life and I was not able to focus on the thesis. Soon, my relationship with my supervisor went south and I started thinking that he was not helping me as much as he should. Yeah, he was not that great help. But expecting a lot from him and acting like it was his fault that I was struggling with my work, had put me as a victim. Of course I liked it in the beginning, I had someone to blame for my shortcomings. It was not me, it was him. I am just a victim who did not get the help he should have gotten.

After watching the documentary I realized, I was making myself a victim. I was giving away the control of my life to somebody else. I could have found a way to deal with the problems. As there was someone else in my diver’s seat (that someone else being Part X), I could not and did not deal with problem. Hence, no solution to the problem.

Things to be happy for

Stutz says that Part X does not allows us to see the good things in our life, the things that could make us happy and joyful. Instead it creates a pile of worries in front of us which blocks us from seeing the happy part of life. The part where you are with your loved ones, the part where someone cared about you. The part where you had a real connection, or the part where you were affectionate and compassionate to someone. All of those things, you get it, right? Part X makes us blind to all of those.

Once I was aware of that part of me, it was little bit easy to say ‘No’ to Part X. Stutz also gives the ways one can tear the clouds of negative thoughts Part X has created in front of us: Gratitude, it is one thing Part X does not like. Gratitude makes it weaker, being a thankful to someone is thinking out of your own selfishness. But Part X is selfish, making it self center of sorrow universe. Gratitude and thankfulness toward good things happening in life not only helps me get rid of negative thoughts of Part X but also improves my relationships with every significant people in my life. Through thanking for what I have allows me to see what other people have done for me, or what this universe has given me. It shows me that I was not a victim, rather I am loved, I am supported by my family, my girlfriend and my friends.

Lets say: Thank You

Try to think about something good that happened to you. It can be as small as, a stranger smiling at you or as big as, you got what you had wanted for a long time in your life. For me, it is the fact that I could eat today. I have a bed to sleep. I have roof over my head. I have a family who loves me, a girl friend who cares much about me. I am in good health, if not the best. Last but not the least, I can breathe, I am alive. I am thankful for all these things. These are just the surface level kindness of the universe I am thankful for. We can find so many things that we should be thanking. It gives such a positive energy to your body. I can feel that as I am writing this blog. It lifts you up above the clouds, showing the beautiful sunshine of life.

I want to be in this state forever, don’t you? I hope you keep on finding things you can be thankful for through out the day. Small things, big things. We want to be in this state as much as we can and we can do it.

Cheers to that!

Love,